Its never just a game when youre winning.George Carlin, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it?George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.George Carlin, Religion is just mind control. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. Goalcast inspires the world through stories. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin, 9. Its interested in its own power. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. George Carlin quotes on the American government In America, anyone can become president. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." George Carlin "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity." George Carlin I hate groups of people. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. Deal with it.George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.George Carlin, I dont know how you feel, but Im pretty sick of church people. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. there's no such thing as rights. Well, its Gods will. Thy Will Be Done. Fine, but if its Gods will, and Hes going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? 4. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. "Events.SushiEndpoint": "https://unagi.amazon.com/1/events/com.amazon.csm.csa.prod", Government is an important institution. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Theres a humorous side to every situation. Aw, hes a comedian. _Q: [] a[a9]._Q.push([c, r]) My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. George Carlin Quotes Government George Carlin American Comedian born on May 12, 1937, died on June 22, 2008 George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. Your dog thinks you're a god. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, 19. Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. .__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.__prevent_empty_css_file{width:0}.authorModuleDropdownMenu{width:180px;border-left:1px solid #D8D8D8;border-right:1px solid #D8D8D8;border-top:1px solid #D8D8D8}.authorModuleDropdownMenu__dropdownLink,.authorModuleDropdownMenu__dropdownLink:hover{display:block;text-align:left;padding:12px;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", "Helvetica", sans-serif;font-size:14px;color:#000000;cursor:pointer}#authorInfo{display:-webkit-box;display:-moz-box;display:-ms-box;display:box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-moz-flex;display:-ms-flex;display:flex;padding:10px 10px 5px 10px}#authorInfo .authorInfoGroup{-webkit-box-flex:1;-moz-box-flex:1;-ms-box-flex:1;box-flex:1}#authorInfo .authorPhotoGroup{-webkit-box-flex:0;-moz-box-flex:0;-ms-box-flex:0;box-flex:0;margin-right:10px}#authorInfo .authorFollow{display:flex}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer{border-radius:3px;border:1px solid #D6D0C4;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", "Helvetica", sans-serif;font-size:14px;-moz-appearance:none;-o-appearance:none;-webkit-appearance:none;appearance:none;cursor:pointer;display:inline-block;text-decoration:none;color:#333333;background-color:#F4F1EA;line-height:1;padding:8px 12px;font-size:16px;padding:12px 24px;box-sizing:border-box;text-align:center;margin-left:0px;padding:0px;min-width:38px;height:32px;background-image:url(/assets/down-caret.png);background-repeat:no-repeat;background-position:center;float:right}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:disabled{border-color:#DDDDDD}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:hover{color:#333333;background-color:#ede6d6;text-decoration:none}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:active{background-color:#D6D0C4}#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer:disabled{background-color:#F3F3F3;color:#cccccc}@media (max-width: 540px){#authorInfo .authorFollow .authorDropdownContainer{min-width:20px;width:27px}}#authorBooks{*zoom:1}#authorBooks:after{content:"";display:table;clear:both}#authorBooks .sectionTitle{border-top:1px solid #CCCCCC;padding:10px 10px 0 10px;margin:0}.accordionContent{padding:0 10px}.authorBio{padding:0 10px;margin-bottom:10px}.authorBooksMeta{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;padding:0 10px}.authorBooksMeta a{color:#00635D}.authorBooksTotalReviewCount:before,.authorBooksTotalRatingCount:before{content:"\00b7"}.authorDetailsList dt,.authorDetailsList dd{display:inline;margin:0}.authorDetailsList dd:after{content:'\A';white-space:pre}.authorDetailsList dt{font-weight:bold}.authorDetailsList dd{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;margin-bottom:15px}.authorDetailsList dd a{color:#00635D}.authorSimilarAuthorsLink{padding:0 10px}.authorDistinctWorksLink{padding:0 10px;display:block;margin-bottom:10px}.authorFansLink{font-weight:bold}.authorInterviewsList{list-style-type:none;margin:0;padding:0}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterview{margin-bottom:15px}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterviewAt{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterviewAt a{color:#00635D}.authorInterviewsList .authorInterviewTitle{display:block}.authorName{margin-bottom:10px}.authorShortBio{color:#999999;font-family:"Lato", "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif}.authorShortBio a{color:#00635D}.authorQuotesLink{margin-bottom:15px}.quotesList{border-top:1px solid #CCCCCC;margin-top:15px}.quotesPage{margin-left:10px}.noQuotes{margin-top:15px} Did you enjoy this article? Toothpicks?George Carlin, No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. George Carlin. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. Its so f***ing heroic. //]]>. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. googletag.pubads().enableAsyncRendering(); That's the problem. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readteach them to question everything that they readteach them to question everything. George Carlin, Weve added years to life, not life to years. George Carlin, Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. Some people dream of things that never were, and ask, why not? The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14stand-up comedy specials on HBO taught us the power of words and how a person can use humor as a weapon. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, 22. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. var ue_id = "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN"; When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. " George Carlin 15. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. We havent tried that for a while. They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. When you are born in America, you get a front row seat. But he loves you. Its so fuckin heroic.George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.George Carlin, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?George Carlin, I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, 83.Theres a reason education sucks, and its the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. Authors. Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. In this blog post, well take a look at some of Carlins most famous quotes on government. Born: May 12, 1937. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. We think in language. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. Save the planet? George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? Its because volunteers work for no pay. A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. What do you get at the end of it? Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? } catch (err) { He loves you and he needs money. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote (?) Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Like the boogie man. if (window.Mobvious === undefined) { "CacheDetection.RequestID": "RW7VD4AVX1H9239WWVVN", Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. > Quotable Quote. 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Religion is like a pair of shoesFind one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. Died: June 22, 2008 (aged 71) George Carlin Quotes . You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); "Boy everyone in this country is running around yammering about their fucking rights. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up. George Carlin, 64. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. You have owners. Couldnt you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? }); googletag.cmd.push(function() { You know what they ought to do with churches? They own, and control the corporations. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? - George Carlin quotes. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. Get future posts byemail,oryou can follow us onInstagram,Pinterest,andFacebook. [CDATA[ Just daydreaming. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. How are YOU going to tackle today? The challenge is to find it.