And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. They cannot visit the family shrine and are not allowed to enter any sacred place, such as a temple. You can also donate financially if you can. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. Unfortunately, we sometimes see inappropriate things being said during such an occasion. Dress appropriately, lose the perfume (and sunglasses). When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. Our Religions: The Seven World Religions Introduced by Preeminent Scholars From Each Tradition. (1995). forms. The world of Emily Post etiquette advice is at your fingertips. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. Thank the family for offering the honor to you. At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. The wake is usually reserved just for family members. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. But may his soul travel swiftly to the next destination. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. (Extra chairs can be made available for the elderly.) This reincarnation belief provides the base for Hindu funeral rites. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. Close friends who are invited to attend will receive a personal invitation to the event. Families differ in their religious beliefs, social preferences and cultural outlook. Whether you are going to a Hindu funeral or just want to send condolences to an acquaintance, we've provided 15 thoughtful examples as a place to start. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. is in chatting mode, Heading towards stronger foreign exchange reserves, Omar Sharif: Best bridge player in the world, KPP: The Unsung Voyager of Kerala Industry, Social media savvy cops setting example in Bengaluru, Tribunal rejects claim on early conciliation number, Priya Menon is all set to take Sankalp to the next level. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. After this cremation ceremony, a reception at the familys place may happen. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. A "shraddha" ceremony. For advice on choosing the best form of communication to use, see our article: How to Offer Condolences, For tips on what to say and not say to someone who has experienced a loss, see our article: How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say, Paying Final Bills, Dues, And Estate Expenses. Take a look. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. Hare Krishna. Neha Kakkar, Rohanpreet's honeymoon at Atlantis Dubai costs Rs 90,000 a night? However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. The fees for the advice of an attorney should not be compared to the fees of do-it-yourself online
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For some, writing notes is helpful as they work through their grief; for others it is too difficult to get much done for some time. Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. Is there a member of the clergy or other person she has in mind for performing the service? All Rights Reserved. In many locales, even those who don't know each other will rally to assist bereaved neighbors in some way. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. Other mourners are expected to stand. Some placement restrictions may apply. For some, it can be a sense of awkwardnessa fear of saying or doing something inappropriate, or an aversion to seeing grief-stricken people. Are you sure he is dead?, You are lucky you have one other child who is alive!, I used to tell her to eat less and exercise more often. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. You are using an out of date browser. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. Such words are of little use to someone who has just lost a loved one. Sacrifice is not uncommon for Hindus, even if internalized. Are others going to be speaking about her? Every live session is customized for the client and built from our extensive menu of training topics. I remember how she encouraged me to get good grades and once even offered me a ride home after school. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? Simple condolences are universally acceptable. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. What customs and traditions should I be aware of so that I can be respectful? Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. During this time, some of the traditions will limit or restrict participation in festivals and events, as well as discourage making life-altering decisions like changing jobs or moving. Everyone one of us was inspired simply by knowing Avindash. Sometimes termed the Art of Presence, one of the best gifts one can give is the gift of time. Oh, I forgot I think she was also wearing lip gloss!. Need Immediate Service? This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. Chances are youll know this about your friends familial history enough to gauge an appropriate message based on his upbringing. what to say to someone who has experienced a death, How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say. There is an intense period of mourning immediately following the cremation or burial service which lasts thirteen days. Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. May Lord Krishna grant you strength. Your mother had a happy death. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Many make allowances for the cremation to take place but the Hindu funeral rites may be executed on-site. Bereavement support organisations for all faiths, Useful bereavement resources for health and care professionals, Useful Good Thinking bereavement resources for all faiths. of an actual attorney. Envisioning Fatherhood: Indian Fathers' Perceptions of an Ideal Father. Plan a remembering celebration with family or friends. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. Give items to use or display in the home in remembrance of the loved one. This forum contains old posts that have been closed. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. Today we offer a wide range of books, online resources, training programs for all ages and topics, a weekly podcast and a selection of greeting cards and paper products. Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. "Would you like to have lunch with me next Tuesday?" Loss is hard. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. (2008). Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. 13. If there is no relationship with the family, introduce yourself and briefly explain your relationship with the deceased. Even though you're new to the neighborhood, your neighbor would likely appreciate your expression of sympathy. Post Funeral. Whether we are comfortable with it or not, visiting bereaved families is part of living in society. In Hinduism, theres samsarathe continuous cycle of reincarnation. Find Appropriate Sympathy & Condolence Baskets. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. In an attempt to get noticed by everyone, some folks have a tendency to be loud and overdo their visit. A mourner may return to a normal work and social schedule after this ceremony. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. Whats regionally accepted in Southern India, for example, may not be appropriate or even standard in the North. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. Theyre good people inside and out, living a life marked with joy and fulfillment. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. 2. They can wear open-toe shoes. (n.d.). After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. This link will open in a new window. Decide upon the best way to get the word out to friends and relatives about the service. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. Often, the best thing one can do is to listen patiently without interrupting. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. And unlike a phone call or a personal visit, e-mail doesn't require an immediate response from the recipient. Now you can focus on leaving a legacy instead of a mess. Brief words like I am sorry for your loss or You are in our thoughts and prayers are both meaningful and comforting. 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No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Then go with your intuition. Many people follow thirteen days of. Your are already subscribed for Malayala Manorama News Letter/Alert. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Rather than quoting the Bhagavad Gita directly, you can also take its essence and interpret that into something meaningful. The last thing the family wants at such a difficult time is advice. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. Pinterest. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. As an elder or wise member of the community, it would still be common to invoke Lord Krishnas name even if this is the parents chosen lifestyle. The choice of clothing should be made to show respect for the deceased and those grieving. It is also appropriate inHindu tradition to send sympathy gifts. https://www.learnreligions.com/healing-words-for-tragic-times-1770148. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. 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In Hindu death rituals, no recording devices are allowed, and the reading source is Mantra. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. Relate stories that show your friend in a positive light, and handle any humor with care. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. Because of the short cremation time, there is no requirement for embalming. Here are some thoughts and guidelines when considering a personal visit at the funeral home: Upon arrival, go to the family and express a simple condolence. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? This link will open in a new window. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. It is better to dress conservatively. or the universal soul. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. Unfortunately, when a son dies, some people come up with public statements along the lines of Theyve lost their only son which is an unfair statement that reeks of gender bias. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. Hare Krishna. If thats the case, then you would express hope for the path after death to be more apparent than the one during life. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. people will avoid going to the deceased house. Though the above list is handy, we need to be extraordinarily perceptive and must have the ability to adapt according to the mood and vibe prevailing in each instance. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. This setting gives the family a larger space to accept visitors and allows easier interaction with others. The Awesome Etiquette podcast is a weekly Q&A show where hosts, (cousins, and co-presidents of the Emily Post Institute,) Lizzie Post and Dan Post Senning answer audience questions, tackle etiquette topics in detail and salute good etiquette witnessed by the Awesome Etiquette audience. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. Organ donation is accepted and encouraged in the Hindu faith and should be discussed with the family when appropriate. During the ceremony, the last food is offered and flowers are arranged around the body. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. One must specifically avoid words that trivialise the event, some hilarious examples being: I cant believe he is deadhe looks like he might just get up any minute! Then, organize help with phone calls and the preparation of a newspaper announcement. This period of time is rooted in traditional beliefs, with each of the day being divided into "minor days" (4 days for each week). Offer your help in other ways, such as ushering, delivering a reading, preparing the program for the service, or assisting the family with plans for the service or for any reception afterwards (if there is one). Someones positive familial and community impact is enough of a statement to their character in and of itself. It also conveys an understanding that while there is a cycle to life, there is only one reality. Your sister was a beautiful person. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. Generally, only people who are particularly invited to the shraddha ceremony will attend. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. Hindus believe that humans are in a continuous cycle of death and rebirth calledsamsara. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. Shell never be forgotten. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time.
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